


The Essential Element of Success

by shadow_lover



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Awesome Fashion, It's Really Fucking Bad, It's bad, Original Mythology, Other, crackfic, ice dildo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-10-08 05:00:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17380058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadow_lover/pseuds/shadow_lover
Summary: Yuri offers himself to the Spirit of the Ice to get his mojo back.





	The Essential Element of Success

**Author's Note:**

  * For [twosocksinalabcoat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/twosocksinalabcoat/gifts).



> Happy fucking Birthday Bash, twosocksinalabcoat~

Yuri Plisetsky, ice tiger of Russia, Grand Prix Finals gold medalist, was at the top of his game. But everything changed when the growth spurt attacked.

He triples his quads. He doubles his triples. He can't even sit a fucking spin without wobbling. One bad day of practice has him hunched over on the locker room bench, wracked with sobs of frustration.

"What's wrong, Yurio?" says a familiar voice from the doorway.

Yuri sniffles and rubs the tears from his eyes. "Fuck off, Viktor."

Viktor does not fuck off. He walks closer. "Your practice looked a little rough today. You should pay more attention to Lilia."

"Fuck off!" Yuri snarls. "I've been paying attention! It's this fucking growth spurt I can't do anything about!"

His fury echoes off the metal lockers like a ferocious tiger roar.

And echoes. And echoes.

Until the next sound is Viktor suppressing a squeak of laugher: "Growth spurt?"

"Did I stutter."

Now Viktor laughs outright. "You're so short, though. There's no way you've had a growth spurt. All your clothes still fit!"

"They're stretchy," Yuri says. God, Viktor can be so stupid sometimes. "I measured myself. I grew and entire CENTIMETER over the past three months. It's COMPLETELY fucking up my skating."

There's a long pause again, before Viktor says, "Hm."

Yuri jumps up, mad. "Hm? The fuck does hm mean!" he says madly.

"Hm," Viktor repeats. "I don't think this is a growth spurt. I think you've angered the Spirit of the Ice."

"The what," Yuri says blankly.

Viktor's face lights up. "You don't know! Of course! Because--uh, definitely not because Yakov said I had to tell you about the secret ritual of initiation into seniors but then I fucked off to Japan and forgot. That's absolutely not it. But this is great! There is a simple solution to your failures."

Yuri tamps down the instinctive flare of ice-cold rage at the mention of Japan, eager for a solution, any solution. "Tell me," he demands.

Viktor beams. "First, you have to go to a certain secluded lake..."

 

~*~*~*~three days later, in the quiet, icy wilderness~*~*~*~

Yuri's footsteps fall quietly in the quiet, icy wilderness. The world around him is black and white, because the trees are very dark and the snow and ice are very bright. He finds the certain secluded lake exactly where Viktor says it will be. Not actually all that far from the road-- but far enough that the wind would carry away any screams before they reached another human's ears.

Not that this is going to be relevant to the rest of the story or anything lol.

Viktor's instructions ring through Yuri's heads. 'Then, go out to the middle of the lake.'

The lake is frozen over. He tests it with his boot, and it holds firm. He walks out to the center, sliding a bit, uncomfortable in regular boots and not skates. And, he thinks stubbornly as he slides along in the boots he's owned since he was like ten, because of his horrible huge inconvenient growth spurt.

So far so good. Viktor's next instruction is a bit weirder. Yuri stands in the center of the lake, spreads out his arms, and says, "O Spirit of the Ice, I offer myself to you. Fill me with your essence!"

There is a long moment of silence. Not even an echo; his words just fall flat and awkwardly to the surface of the ice. Yuri sighs. He's about to turn around and go home when all of a sudden the wind picks up around him.

Yuri throws his arms over his head in panic. "What the fuck, stop, my hair!" 

But his wailing and struggling is in vain. Like a force of nature, the wind swirls with ice and snow and brute sexy strength and forces him to his knees. 

"Noooooooo," Yuri wails, as the cold wet ice soaks into his vintage pink leopard print jeggings.

***SILENCE, MORTAL*** says the wind.

"What the fuck, the sky is talking!" Yuri shrieks. "I didn't ask for this!"

***I AM NOT THE SKY, DUMBASS. I AM THE SPIRIT OF THE ICE. YOU LITERALLY ASKED FOR THIS,*** rasps the Spirit of the Ice, in the super annoying smug tone of someone who just won a GOTCHA argument on the internet by deliberately misinterpreting someone else's vague idiom or whatever.

Yuri is about to further protest when the Spirit of the Ice knocks him further down, so his chest and gloved hands and face press into the ice. He's out of breath, and he's getting his fake snow leopard fur coat completely fucked up, and his iridescent pink sunglasses fall off his face.

Cold tendrils of breeze that feel kind of like creepy fingers and kind of like icicles prickle at his hips. 

Fear spikes cold in Yuri's heart. "No," he whimpers.

The Spirit of the Ice pauses. ***NO?*** it asks skeptically.

Yuri swallows hard and closes his eyes. He hurts all over, his legs bruises, his shoulders aching, from every time he's fallen this week. He can't keep failing. He NEEDS this. He clenches his hands in his black and pink knockoff Burberry gloves. "Go ahead," he grits out. "Fill me with your essence. Just don't rip my jeggings. They're super cute."

***LOL. K.***

The Spirit of the Ice very gently pulled down Yuri's jeggings and underwear, tenderly tugging the blinding pink fabric down around his lean, muscular thighs. Yuri breathed a sigh of relief.

Then he gasped in surprise as something cold and wet pressed against his asshole. "What the fuck, is that your cock?"

***NO. I AM AN ETHEREAL DISEMBODIED SPIRIT. I DON'T HAVE A COCK.*** The blunt coldness pushed more forcefully against Yuri. ***THIS IS OBVIOUSLY AN ICE DILDO.***

Yuri gritted his teeth and struggled to relax. Anything for skating. Anything for glory. Anything for gold.

At least his ass went completely numb in the first five minutes.


End file.
